Having a meh day? Confessions of a special needs mom

Here's how I worked through having a meh day.

Christian brother/sister disclaimer:  

What I say here is not theology.  It is a retelling of my times spent with the Lord and what I feel I have learned from Him. I am not always correct, but as I continue to seek Him, He will eventually correct me.

We are all in different places in our walk.  Some are babes.  Some are wiser.  We can be babes and wise at the same time, just in different areas.  A wise Christian will recognize that someone more milky is sharing and be patient with where they are.  A more milky Christian needs to understand that not everything everyone shares is necessarily for them or necessarily correct.  It is best to make Jesus your shepherd and spend time with Him every day so He can teach you.  (This is what I do.)  ❤️  Love you!

Transcript

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Okay, here's another confessions of a special needs parent. Our son is 19. He has Down syndrome, and he's not moving out anytime soon. And there are many things he doesn't do for himself. So the parenting, it didn't end. I'm still parenting. I have another kid that moved out, and I'm not parenting uh anymore, but I still am. And do you know how hard it is to parent a 19-year-old that wants to do what they want to do? Uh mostly he wants to stay up all night and he wants to eat while he's up, and you can see it on him. You can't, you know what? You can't make someone sleep. You can't, you know, here's the old adage, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I have bought him a bed and sheets and a blanket and a pillow, and he doesn't he doesn't want to sleep. From the time he was little, doesn't want to sleep. He won't he loves being up when everyone else is asleep. And you're hungry. So he has complete access to the kitchen. And the older he's gotten, the more he eats. And I woke up this morning and I really didn't want to do the day. I don't want to do the day. I really don't. Sometimes I find myself in one of two places during my day. One, I'm avoiding having to parent him again. And two, I'm having to parent him again. So that's really, that's really what my day is. And you know, there are times because my husband works from home as well, so there's always activity on going on in the home. And there are times when my husband is gone and Josh is sleeping because he's been up all night and I have zero to do. And I sit there and I think, why don't I have anything to do? I have no hobbies, I've got nothing. Because when he's awake, I'm usually having to deal with him. He's my hobby. And I know he's not supposed to be my hobby, and I'm not I'm supposed to have other things, but I don't have any other. I'm a super introvert, and I'm not the type that's gonna go out and join things, and I don't have any other hobbies. So I woke up this morning. That was a long way to say. I woke up this morning and I didn't want to do the day. So I woke up late. I didn't have my quiet time this morning. So I'm sitting in my quiet time chair and I'm kind of just commiserating with the Lord, you know, this is how I feel, this is what's going on. And after about 20 minutes of commiserating about myself and my life with the Lord, I thought, you know, I know, I know how the Lord works, I know how the kingdom works. I get what I give away. Whatever I give away, the Lord blesses me back. So I said, and instead of sitting here commiserating about myself for another 20 minutes, I'm gonna pray to give others what I want. So this was my strategy this morning. So I got went to the first person on my list, who happens to be my daughter, she's the first person on my prayer list, and I prayed, Lord, give her patience today, even though I'm the one that I'm the one that needs patience. This is what it I prayed for her, give her patience today. And I said, Lord, give her confidence and her ability to be herself today, to just be who she is. So I've got a long list, and it's like halfway through my list. Um, I added something to it. I think the Lord added something to it. I prayed, I was praying for somebody, and I prayed, give them the confidence to be their fallible self. Not perfect, able to fall, fallible. And I was like, oh, that makes me feel a little bit better. Give them confidence to be their fallible self today. And that felt really good. And then a few people on, the Lord added something else to it. I was praying, and I said, give them confidence to be their fallible self today. And then I added this because the Lord works through weakness. And by the end of praying for everybody, and that was my prayer at the end, I felt better. I felt better. I felt a little more patient with myself. I felt like I can be fallible today, and that's fine. It's okay. It is okay to not have a perfect day. So I sat here and I thought, what is a perfect day? Because that's kind of what I want. I want a perfect day, and I'm dreading not having a perfect day. So I wrote down, what is a perfect day? And my answer was a fallible one. And then I added, with joy and hope. That's a perfect day. I can have an awful day, but if there's joy and hope at the end of it, that was an okay day. So that's what I wrote. What is a perfect day? A fallible one, a not perfect one with joy and hope. And Jesus, right? That's that's a great day. And then I wrote, um, what is a perfect Josh, my son? What is a perfect Josh? A fallible Josh with joy and hope. That's all I want. Uh, and then my husband, what is a perfect husband? A fallible one with joy and hope. And I gotta tell you, I felt a little bit better. I felt a little bit better. It's a it's a wild walk, this special needs parenting walk. It's not for the faint of heart. And yeah, I know people like to say God only gives these kids to, you know, amazing parents, but no, no, no, no, I don't think that's true. God gives these kids to those who have a lot to learn in patience and love, agape love and caring for others. Um, my I if I had never had a special needs child, I would be a very, very selfish, self-centered person today. But first of all, having children that sucks that right out of you. And then having a special needs child really sucks that out of you. You have so much compassion for others in the same place. And I, you know, I I don't, God did not give me Josh because I was special. God gave me Josh because I had a lot to learn. And I have so much more to learn. And I learned today. You know what a perfect day is? A not perfect day, but one with joy and hope. So that's what I'm gonna do today. That's what I'm that's my plan. I'm planning to have a not perfect day. And you know what? I feel I feel like uh the pressure's off. Pressure's off a little bit. Because I was feeling a lot of pressure to have a perfect day for everything to go right. And pressure is off, and I feel a lot better. So there you go. There's my confession today. Have a wonderful day.